I've still kept my journal up to date (I am addicted to journaling), I've just neglected to keep you all (all 3 of you?) up to date. It's true, I'm not much of a blogger, but I enjoy it when I get around to it.
Why so busy? Well, the biggest time eater has been the various activities that fall under the category of "preparing for motherhood." Here's a list of the big ticket items:
- Buying a crib & changing table off craigslist (brand new for $150!)
- Researching and purchasing a car seat (Diono Radian RXT)
- Buying an Eddie Bauer stroller/car seat travel system off craigslist (slightly used for $60!)
- Reading lots of books on pregnancy & childbirth ("What to Expect When You're Expecting," "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way," "Husband Coached Childbirth," "The Official Lamaze Guide," & "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth")
- Organizing the nursery (got TONS of hand-me-down clothes and toys, books and etc. from my sisters, my mom, and several friends)
- Attending 3 baby showers (Enns ladies, church & Bender ladies, and teacher co-workers at Jim's school - SUPER nice!!)
- Writing thank-you cards
- Attending doctor visits
- Choosing a pediatrician
- Buying maternity clothes so I can continue to wear clothes (NECESSITY, not luxury)
Speaking of waiting... I have been pregnant now for 39 weeks and 4 days. I really was not prepared for how impatient I would feel at this point. I think I was doing pretty good about it until last Sunday. I started having some regular contractions and I totally thought I would have a baby in the next day or 2. I was so excited! I was rushing around trying to get everything ready before the contractions got really bad... but then they just faded away.
Monday was a hard day and I've had some hard moments of realizing that this little boy may not be on the verge of ready after all. Waiting for your first baby is such agonizing anticipation! There's nothing I can think of that I've anticipated like this little boy's arrival, and it's made worse by the fact that I don't know when it's going to happen! It could be tonight, or it could be in a week and a half! How torturous!! But I know it will eventually happen, and I will only vaguely remember the agony of waiting, being so caught up in being a mom for the first time.
I know this is a pretty obvious statement, but I think that often the hardest part of waiting is surviving that period of time that comes right before the thing you are waiting for finally happens. It's like time slows down the closer you get to an anticipated event. "A watched pot never boils" is the old saying. It's hard not to watch the pot when you know it's just about time for it to be boiling, especially when the boiling is going to turn your whole world upside down in ways you've only dreamed of.
I remember struggling through the waiting of finding my husband. I wrote a song called "Winding Staircase" in the spring of my twenty-sixth year, reflecting on the winding path my life had taken and how I wanted so badly to be able to see around the next corner, hoping it would finally bring a less muddled love life. Little did I know that I had already met my future husband, I just didn't know it. I was teaching him piano lessons every Saturday morning and had no idea that he was so awesome and would eventually casually say, "We should hang out sometime" and change my life forever.
And now I wait for my first child, my son, and too easily I forget that he's right there inside of me! I'm waiting to hold him and see him, yes, but this is a dream that has already come true on so many levels. I feel him pushing his feet against me, feel him shifting around, and responding to what I'm eating. He makes his presence known. He is already my son, though he has yet to breathe his first breath of air.
I wonder when he will finally make his grand entrance into the broader world. I wonder what my birth experience will be like. Well do I know that it can range from wonderful and exhilarating to miserable, endless and discouraging. But at the end, Lord willing, there will be a baby, and I know that the experience of meeting him for the first time will be wonderful, no matter the events that preceded. I guess I'll just keep taking my walks, praying and trusting that it will all work out the way it's supposed to.
On a different note, I am happy to say that I have also been preoccupied lately with a new music therapy client! In addition to the weekly sessions at the nursing home, I now have a client who comes to my home studio! This has been so exciting for me and I've really enjoyed working with her. She is a sweet little girl with lots of challenges and a strong spirit and I feel so privileged to get to be a part of her life. I stopped my lessons and therapy last Saturday, at almost 39 weeks, figuring that the baby would be here soon anyway, so hopefully he will come soon! I'm not used to having so much free time. I'll try to use it well and enjoy it.
One last thing I have to mention: please pray for my niece, Crystal. She has recently been diagnosed with Juvenile Nephronophthisis, meaning that she will need a kidney transplant in the future, and she will have to have lots of shots and be watched closely in the meantime. Please pray for strength for her and her family, and for healing and protection. She is such a sweet and talented teenager and this is a lot to handle. From all accounts, she is handling it very well so far and relying on God.
I hope you are doing well, friend. Thanks for reading my thoughts and happenings. Take care.
Lisa, thanks so much for sharing! I loved reading about how you feel about being a new mom and all the preparations you've been making. You will be a great mom. :) Praying he comes soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate! He finally came on April 4! What a long wait... but so worth it! God is good.
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