Thoughts on Marriage

Hello, friend.

Life has been good as of late.  "Thanks, God.  You are so nice to me.  I know You are Good and Kind even when life is hard, but I just want to thank you that I really can't think of anything in my life that is altogether horrible, or even crummy.  Sure, there are hard or stressful moments just being a mom, but I am so surrounded with blessings, even and especially including that adorable little guy who refused to take his nap today."

One thing that helps my general well being so much is when Jim and I are doing good.  We had a little rough patch for a few days last weekend, but now that that has blown over, my life is a happy one.  So much of my day-to-day happiness hinges on how well my marriage is going.  That might sound like a lot of pressure on the marriage, but I don't think it's an altogether bad thing. 

Our marriage norm after nearly 4 years now is "Good!  Great!"  But man, when things aren't good, it sure is depressing.  I have a hard time waiting out the storms when they come.  I feel very urgent about solving conflict, and sometimes this just causes more conflict, especially when tiredness and exhaustion are playing heavily into a conflict.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is just go to sleep, but I have a hard time going to sleep when things seem off.  Slowly, very slowly, I'm learning to have a more patient, long-term view of things.  Slowly, I'm learning how to sleep off the rough edges of a fight. 

I'm so thankful to have a husband who is good to me and cares about my emotions.  I kind of have a lot of them.  He may not always meet my sense of urgency at solving conflict and he may be grouchy sometimes, but just give the guy a decent night's sleep and he is very easy to be married to.  : ) 

Relationships are fascinating to me.  That's probably why I can't shake my embarrassing "Bachelor" addiction.  Relationships, marriage... they are not for the weak.  If you are weak, as we all are to some degree, getting married might actually be really good for you, assuming you and your spouse are both committed to God and to making it work.  Marriage, when it is a healthy one, has a way of helping us to face ourselves, get over ourselves and grow up.  It's also a lot of fun to have someone to share life with, generally speaking.  The fights are not fun, but growing through them is very grounding, humbling, and good.

That's what I think, anyways.  I know there are as many opinions on marriage as there are marriages, so I'm really just describing what it's been like for me lately.  If you are in a relationship or marriage full of struggle, know that I am sympathetic to that too and would love to pray for you. 

Jim and I struggled a lot through our first year and a half of marriage.  It took us that long to basically figure each other out, come up with some good strategies for dealing with each other, and figure out that we needed to be intentional about having quality time together, especially time reading the Bible and praying together.  Since that time, we've been mostly good with a healthy amount of conflict scattered in for flavor (it's easy to say that when I'm not in the middle of a conflict..).

I'm all for honesty, so no matter what season you are in relationally, I hope you are able to be completely honest with at least a few trusted friends.  Relationships go through different seasons and sometimes it's well worth waiting out the season of hard to get to or get back to the season of good.  I hope you are in or on your way to a season of good, friend.  Keep seeking and trusting God, no matter the season, and pray that I may do the same.  Whoever you are reading this, I most likely love you (this is not a popular blog), and thanks for reading!