Glory

I've been reading in Isaiah and John lately.  Actually, I've been reading in John mostly but I've been reading my journal from 2008 and I had some passages from Isaiah (50-60ish) written in there, so that counts I guess.  Is it weird that I enjoy reading my own journals from time to time?  It's similar to the enjoyment of looking back through an old photo album, but I enjoy it even more because you get a more accurate, complete picture.

I've been thinking about glory lately, partly because of what I've been reading and partly because of something I'm involved in right now.  I'm accompanying for a community theater production of "Fiddler on the Roof" and it's made me wonder why these people volunteer so much time to be involved in such a production when they're not in high school or college where a big part of the motivation is to make friends, improve your self-confidence, have fun, and maybe impress a few people you want to impress. 

I can't see people's hearts, so I could be wrong, but it seems like part of the draw is the desire to get a little recognition, to be on stage, and have people in your community think you are talented.  I think for some the motivation is a love for musical theater in general, whether observing it or participating in it.  These are the people who love to go to theater productions and would go even if they weren't involved in a show themselves.  But I would venture to guess that for at least some of the people, the motivation is for the attention.  That's not a crime, but I think for me it would be wrong, because I'm not even super passionate about musical theater, so if I were participating as an actress, it would mostly be for my own ego, because it would be fun to have people watch me singing and acting.  It would be a lot of time wasted on shallow pursuits.

Having said this, I feel very differently about playing my own songs at open mic nights (which I haven't done in over a month unfortunately), I guess because songwriting is something I'm passionate about.  I enjoy listening to others play their own songs, so I feel like I'm giving that gift back to others when I play, even if I'm not the best ever, or a little rusty.  There's something very personal and vulnerable about playing a song you wrote, and the time and creativity that go into it make it a worthwhile craft in my mind, and one I have an appreciation for whether as an observer or performer.

I'm really just thinking out loud here.  I wonder if anyone else has thoughts about this?  Do you feel like you have a good read on your own motivations for doing different things?  How important do you think that is?

All of this to say, I've been struck lately with the importance of knowing whose glory is most important: my own or God's.  What am I living for?  Is it to impress others, to gain recognition for myself, or is it to serve God and to seek to bring glory to Him?  May it be the latter for all of us, whether our passion is for musical theater, songwriting, the outdoors, raising children, supporting the people in our lives, running a business, or whatever.  I don't deserve a lot of glory, but He does.  Just as Jesus (who deserved a lot more glory than I could ever deserve) didn't seek to glorify Himself but allowed His Father to do so as He served Him, may we follow, hungering and thirsting after Him and His purposes.

Season of Busy

Hi.  The last few months have been good, but very busy; a few times way too busy.  I think about Ecclesiastes sometimes when I need a reminder that life changes, because I know I can't survive if it doesn't soon.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.  A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot... a time to mourn and a time to dance..." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Recently it has been my time to build up my business and accidentally overcommit myself to various activities.  It might not have been so bad except for the fact that I am not one of those people who just loves to be busy.  I like to have plenty of good things to do, but there comes a point when I just don't feel like myself anymore because I haven't had time to process anything going on in my life.  Anyone know what I mean?

Oh, and about that job I applied for: I didn't get it.  They were very nice and said they might be interested in using me on an as-needed basis at some point, and I got an email just yesterday informing me of another opening, so I don't feel too bad or like they didn't think I was qualified.  I probably didn't have as much experience with this population as they would have liked.  Regardless, I have felt very assured that this was the right result because I've been getting lots of new students lately!  Praise God for that!

I still do not technically have any music therapy clients, but I now have 2 going on 3 students with autism, and I know my music therapy background came into play with those parents.  I have had to adapt my usual teaching strategies for these kids, and it has been both a challenge and a great reward.  Overall, I'm very happy with what I'm doing and the direction things are going.  I feel so blessed to be able to work out of my home doing something I'm so passionate about.  I am not making a huge amount of money at this point, as I have around 18 students per week, but combined with Jim's teaching salary, it is enough, and there is a lot of potential for growth.

Career pursuits have been a big theme of this year for me.  But there are many other thoughts that make their rounds when I have the time for them.  Thoughts of loved ones, of friends far away and near, thoughts and wishes about developing closer friendships with girls who live close by, and thoughts about "family planning" as they call it.  How about you, friend?