Mostly free association

Uncertain, seeking words, searing truth, simple beauty
Warm chai, chilly October,
Clearing my mind of wifely duties -
cleaning the floors, the fridge -
that never let up,
of groceries that may or may not need to be bought,
of coupons that may or may not need to be cut,
Uncertainty, uneasy edge, compromised digestion,
I trade you for peace, joy, wonder, inspiration, engagement

Three and a half months pregnant
Thankful, so thankful for the heartbeat I heard
at the doctor's office,
so strong, so amazing, so not my own
Strangely thankful, for pants that do not fit,
for sluggishness, for less productivity;
for these minor adjustments are making room for a new life,
a unique, new person!
Oh, little person, I felt you move a little today,
when I was singing and playing my guitar,
a song I wrote two years ago around this time
for your oldest sibling,
who never grew as big and strong as little you,
but who will always be a part of me, and of you
That song has now been redeemed and I sing it now for you,
wondering at this storyline I'm living in

God is so good!
He who hears the cry of the needy,
and does not despise their songs and offerings,
because He sees and knows whose heart fears and loves Him,
and regards such hearts and such offerings with favor,
even above the offerings of the rich
and the talents of the most gifted artists
He knows the hearts of men
and judges them and their offerings accordingly
Oh, Lord, keep my heart steadfast and wholly yours,
no matter what

Lord God, please call me your own,
please shelter me under your wings,
please bless the efforts of my weary hands,
lifting my eyes from the dust and stress,
the fights and dirty dishes,
up to the patch of blue in the sky,
calling me to run through it
Carry me through for today, Lord
I will run again when you send me the strength,
Today, please carry me through,
and make my feet light and my face to shine

Uncertain, uneasy, now thankful, now resting again